the devil doesn’t come to you with his red face and horns, he comes to you disguised as everything you’ve ever wanted.
do you ever feel like you will ever meet the expectations of society? that you arent good enough? you will never be skinny enough. never be pretty enough. never smart enought. never enough of anything. that hallow feeling inside you. the sadness that fills you up because you can never meet the expectations of society. thats how i feel. like i’ll never be good enough. i probably wont be.
boys. probably the most confusing people on the planet. or at least they are for me. i will proably never understand. but thats okay, well i guess. they are so confusing and i feel like by boys all i am as an object being used. i know i use guys sometimes too. but wouldnt it be nice for a change for the guy you care about to care about you too? instead of the guy you dont want to talk to again that is obsessively texting you. like this is my problem. when i want a guy, like REALLY want them, they want nothing to do with me. but when i could care less about a guy, the dont leave me alone. like honestly. will there ever be a guy that i want that wants me? or will i just have to settle for someone im not even remotely attracted too?
Being a teenager in the 21st century is hard. Everything is so different that it used to be. There is the internet, cell phones, twitter and most all the usual bad decisions. These days if you make one mistake (like sending nudes for example) it gets around to everyone and is out there forever. You also normally never hear the end of it. Life is almost always shitty and when it is good, it never lasts long. I’ve never experienced so many highs and lows as I have being a teen. Social media is the worst part though. And cell phones. They make everything public knowledge. Who hooked up with who, who had sex, who puked at the last party and who’s naked pictures are being sent around. One mistake and your out. Not three strikes. Just one. One mistake. One moment. It changes your life forever. No, no, no. It is NOT like the movies. High school is not all fun and games, like getting drunk, having boyfriends and you and the girls having so much fun together. Its just shit. Total shit. Like an unreal amount of shit. I know for me life isn’t so easy. I love parting and meeting new people. But the unfortunate thing is that I go to church. Like way to much. Like I’m a youth leader, I go to bible study and I’m even going to Uganda for a mission trip for march break. Cool, sounds fun right? Well its not. It makes my life hell. I get tagged in one picture holding a red cup and its the end of the world. Or I miss bible study to go to a party and i get girls coming up to me saying “Is everything okay? Do we need to pray for you? Is there something going on in your life? Hows your relationship with God”. Thats it. Its MY relationship with God. Not anyone else’s. MINE. So let me handle it. Let me be the one who deals with the consequences of my actions. I dont know if you ever feel this way or is it just me.